Consume More toys

Frank Lloyd HOT!

photo_070815_flwright.gifI have to admit that, when I first saw the name of the huggable Mr. Wright doll here, I had imagined a miniature of Rodin's famous sculpture The Thinker, but with FLW captured in the iconic pose. (Then I remembered The Thinker is perched on his rock in all his glory, and I had to go find a place to sit down for a minute, as I was feeling a little swoony.)

What?

How delighted was I to discover, then, that the aforementioned Little Thinker was actually an adorable stuffed likeness, complete with tiny walking cane and wee pretentious man-scarf? VERY. I just want to bring him home, cuddle him as if I were his fifth wife and listen to him whisper sweet nothings about organic architecture an Usonian design principles.

What??

Buy it! Frank Lloyd Wright Little Thinker, $15.95, at shakespearesden.com.

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Half Man, Half Bull, All Awesome!

photo_070810_minotaur.jpgI've always been a geek about mythology from all corners of the globe. Japan, India...Norse mythology has always been a favorite of mine. But the old classics (the ORIGINAL old classics) from Greece are always a pleasure to revisit, a pleasure I hope to instill in my children someday. But we all know that kids HATE anything that smacks of literature or history or god forbid LEARNING, right? Which is why Mr. Cuddly Bull-face here is the perfect... Trojan horse, if you will: stealth culture at its finest! AND a fun alternative for parents looking to distinguish their kid from every other drooling Tickle-Me Elmo toter out there...

Buy it! Minotaur, $19.98, at amazon.com.

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Fly Away Home! (NOT MY HOME!)

photo_070620_ladybug.jpgHere in Wisconsin, it's finally summer! (For the next 2 1/2 weeks, anyway. Then hello snow!) Unfortunately, summer here is mostly known for being That Season With All The Creepy Crawly Things. If it's not the earwigs crawling out of their moist, dank hidey-holes (EW!), it's the ants who will crawl in through that rip in the screen that you've been meaning to replace and carry off your dog. (She's not very bright sometimes.) And THIS year is especially special because it's the return of the cicadas! (They're like that great-aunt you only see once every 17 years and hope to GOD you're living in Costa Rica the next time she decides to visit.)

Even the humble ladybugs don't get a pass from me on the heebie-jeebies list. Oh, SURE, they're cute when you see one or two of them. But if, like my unfortunate sister-in-law, your house is invaded by SO MANY THAT THEY NEED TO BE SUCKED UP WITH THE VACUUM CLEANER, they don't seem so cute anymore.

So here's my idea: I'm going to disguise myself with this Ladybug Hat, infiltrate the colony and, through cunning double-agentry, convince them to stay out of my house. What could possibly go wrong?

Buy it! Ladybug Hat, $12.95, at atoygarden.com.

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You're Gonna Need a Bigger Swing

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Remember when you went to the county fair or the amusement park and found out that they had a merry-go-round with animals OTHER than horses? Wasn't that the coolest? You'd stand in line, jumping from foot to foot, hoping that the line would be cut off right in front of you so that you'd be first on the next run. And when that rope came down and you were actually allowed ON the circle, you ran full-tilt, dodging poles and benches, to get to that eagle or jackelope or dragon or whatever your little heart was set on. Now you can recapture a little of that magic AND help the environment at the same time! Don't you have a tree in your backyard that is just aching for a tire swing? How about a tire swing in the shape of a SHARK? Wildlife Creations has just such a beast, made out of recycled tires, no less. My recommendation? Get two, so that you can race with your favorite swing buddy...

Buy it! Shark Tire Swing, $129.95, at shiptheweb.com.

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A Ship Fit To Fly The Jolly Roger

photo_070612_piratekite.jpgYarrrr! It be fully three months until Talk Like a Pirate Day, when lubbers and buccaneers come together and hoist a grog or two in celebration of sea dogs everywhere! But September be a poor time for setting the mizzenmast and catching a likely wind off the oceans. Now June, 'tis a friendlier month for such sport, whether your craft be a sloop of fine Spanish oak or this dainty dinghy of a Pirate Ship Kite; she'll sail the skies as pretty as that little scullery wench at your favorite ale house!

Buy it! Pirate Ship Kite, ~$28.20USD ($29.99CAN), at grandrivertoys.com.

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Knees...Buckling... Heart...Palpitating... Too...Much...Cute...

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AIIIIGGGH. Teh CUTE. Will DESTROY US ALL.

Look at them! They're INSIDIOUS. Clearly manufactured by some third-world regime bent on world domination! Oh, sure, they LOOK harmless, and then you bring them into your home and put them on the shelf next to your bed and whisper "Goodnight fishies" and get lost in their button eyes and suddenly you don't want to go to work anymore and your company folds and the economy tanks and suddenly it's CHAOS AND MASS ANARCHY and THEN that third-world regime comes marching right up Pennsylvania Avenue to set up camp in the Oval Office! WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO SAY FOR YOURSELF, MR. ECONOMY DESTROYER??

Yes, "goodnight fishies" -- I would too. I, for one, welcome our new third-world overlords...as long as I get to keep the fishies.

Buy it! Goldfish Koi Carp Trollies Pebbles and Hudson, $27.00, at etsy.com.

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Vroom Vroom!

photo_070425_car.jpgDespite the fact that my parents clothed me in head-to-foot pink whenever I had the occasion to step out-of-doors, I have always been a tomboy. While my younger sister groomed her Barbie dolls' hair for hours on end (so much so that it looked like she really should have been able to purchase the Malibu Barbie Chemo Unit for them somewhere), I was knee-deep in LEGOs, Lincoln Logs, blocks and Hot Wheels.

I remember in a particular a toy that was my father's, but that I loved: it was a small red plastic dragster-type racecar, one held together by two large "lugnuts" which one could remove with the special plastic socket wrench and disassemble the car. If stock cars were similarly constructed, I'm pretty sure I'd be a pit chief somewhere on the NASCAR circuit right now.

Although made of wood, this nifty little Streamliner car reminded me of my father's race car: smooth, shiny and just begging to be pushed about on a cheap basement carpet whilst making "vroom vroom" noises. And even if it doesn't have those magic lugnuts...OMG it's lime green! I just want to shove it in my mouth and crunch it up like candy.

Buy it! Streamliner SAAB 93 Cabriolet Lime, $44.73, at scandinaviandesigncenter.com.

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w00t! Scrabble!

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We have been known to fritter away an evening or twelve hunched over a Scrabble board, counting the squares from that Triple Word Score while feverishly speed-reading our mental dictionary for the most profitable way of disposing of the 3 I's, 2 M's, J and X silently mocking us from our tile rack. Oh how we hate those smug J's with their smirky, confident swoops! Oh how we curse the illogical and contradictory rules of proper English grammar that keep us from ascending to the Pan-Galactic Scrabble Champion throne!

Now there's a way to haXX0r the game of Scrabble to take advantage of the relaxed conventions of interweb communication in order to cover ourselves with board game glory! All will ph34r our mad Scr4bble skillz when we use this set of L33T Tiles. Replace those boring analog tiles with this set containing both letters and numbers in a sexy 8-bit monochrome color scheme. Grandma Mabel, j00 r PWND!!1!

Buy it! L33T Tiles, ~$32.22, at getdigital.de.


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Listen To The Man In The Turban

photo_061202zoltar.jpgWe are all about seeking guidance wherever it can be found, because god knows we could use the help. Magic 8 balls, the daily horoscope, best-2-out-of-3 coin flips: we prefer to let the universe decide our fate whenever possible. (It's called "absolving ourselves of blame".) So when we clapped eyes on our friend ZOLTAR THE ALL-SEEING, DIVINER OF FUTURES THROUGH THE MISTY REACHES OF TIME, we knew that finally, FINALLY, here was an advisor who would never steer us wrong. We mean, look at him! He's wearing a TURBAN, for pete's sake. You don't rock the turban unless you're serious about your MYSTIC POWERS. We can't wait for him to peer into the future and forecast how the universe plans to reward us for all that good karma we've been spreading around. (What, you thought we were letting all those people merge in front of us out of the goodness and generosity of our heart? SURELY YOU JEST.) Money? Power? EPIC LOVE DESTINED TO TRANSCEND THE AGES? Only Zoltar knows for sure. (But just in case we don't like what we hear, we've got the Magic 8 ball on stand-by.)

Via the hilarious chicas at Awesome!.

Buy it! Zoltar Desktop Fortune Teller, $24.95, at perpetualkid.com

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You've got the touch! You've got the power!

transformers_movie.jpg With the new, big budget Transformers movie just 8 months away, it's about time we started frothing at the mouth and reading all the fan blogs so that when the day finally comes to see our favorite robots in disguise battle it out on the big screen, we can be utterly and thoroughly disappointed. As is our right!

But even if the Michael Bayification of the Autobots causes us to repeatedly stab at our eyes with our original, diecast metal Bumblebee action figure, there will be one hell of a thick, nuggety, silver lining on this cloud. They have just re-released a special 20th anniversary edition of the original Transformers movie. This movie features the voicework of Eric Idle, Judd Nelson, Leonard Nimoy and O.M.F.G. Orson "War of the Worlds" Welles as a planet devouring robot god, Optimus Prime's death, the origin of Rodimus Prime, robots cussing, robots dying, robots rocking out to Weird Al Yankovic, hot chick robots with robotic boobs, Ultra Magnus being like, "Though I want to lead the Autobots, I am not the chosen one and now I will die to save you and then be resurrected by Junkions!," and Galvatron zooming in with a fleet of Swoops just as Starscream finally gets his wish to be crowned king of the Decepticons, only to be blown into a million tiny particles of space dust. Galvatron don't need no crown!

After all is said and done, you've never walked, you've never run. You're a winner!

You got the touch! You got the power!

Buy it! Transformers: The Movie, $19.88 from Amazon.com. And get the original soundtrack too! still in stock 20 years later, and only $10.99.

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Somebody Set Up Us The Bob-omb.

photo_061117bobomb.jpgWith the all the Consu-kids whipping themselves into indie rock (with glasses!) frenzies over the Nintendo Wii, we are reminiscing fondly about the weeks and weeks of gameplay that we spent on the old-skool Nintendo game consoles. Oh, those sweet, simple, 16-bit days, making our way through level after level of Doki Doki Pan...uhhhh, we mean Super Mario 2. Oh the repetitive stress injuries we developed dodging Birdos and Shy Guys and, our personal favorite, the adorable but deadly Bob-ombs. We loved grabbing these guys and running about, boinking adversaries in the noggin with their little round explosive compatriots. Wouldn't it be great if we could dispose of our rivals like this in real life? With these crocheted Bob-omb dolls, we can at least give it a shot! Maybe we'll get lucky and their fuses will poke our arch-nemesis in the eye, giving us enough time to bound over him and into the plant tube in the break room.

Buy it! Bob-omb crocheted doll, $25.00, at etsy.com.

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Life is But A Dream (Especially If You're Counting Rowing Sheep)

photo_061105eweboat.jpgWe love toys just as much as the next hipster. One look at our workspace would make one believe that, contrary to all modern attitudes about child-labor, our boss somehow managed to persuade a 6-year-old to come design and develop websites for 40 hours a week. (We, however, have to provide our own morning snack and have been denied our afternoon nap.)

Unlike most toy aficionados of today, we eschew the cold, impersonal vibe of your Dunnys and Munnys and Kerflunnys in favor of toys that make you long to reach out and hug them and squeeze them and call them George. With this in mind, we welcome the latest addition to our menagerie: this adorable Ewe Boat (*rimshot*) animated paper model. Although there is some assembly required, all the materials in the kit are pre-cut and scored, so no need to risk life and limb with those dangerous safety scissors. A little Elmer's glue, a little love, a little crank-action (not like that, you perv) and voilá! A rowing sheep! We probably won't be hugging it and squeezing it, because that would no doubt damage it beyond repair (to say nothing of the truly savage papercuts.) But we do plan to call it George.

Buy it! Ewe Boat animated paper model, $8.95, at paperanimations.com. (Check out the purchase page to see George in action!)

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Get Kinky with Kinky!

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Just when you thought that the political landscape of the United States couldn't get any weirder, we are here to tell you that Kinky Friedman, musician, author and independent candidate in the upcoming Texas gubernatorial race is doing his best to take it up a notch. He is selling a 13-inch talking action figures of ... himself. Pull his cord, and he'll say one of 25 catchy campaign slogans, including perhaps the most poignant and modern of them all, "Why the hell not?"

The Kinky Friedman talking figure has all the accoutrements a modern cowboy needs: a vest, a cowboy hat, and a giant Texas-shaped belt buckle. The official description says that he is fully poseable for "gesturing and telling corrupt career politicians where to go." Yeehaw!

We don't want to get all political on you, but buying this action figure supports Kinky's final days as a candidate. We know you've always wanted to dabble in Texas politics - anyone can! - so you can consider this purchase your first timid steps into the giant bowl of molten cheese that we call government.

Buy it! Kinky Friedman Talking Action Figure, $20.00 from the man himself.

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These Boxen Roxen My Soxen

photo_061023superbastard.jpgWe love cartoon people. We love boxes. Therefore, ergo, QED, it stands to reason that we would love cartoon people drawn on boxes. And we totally do! We confirmed this when we instantly fell in love with these Super Bastard Box Art Characters. (Hurray for irrefutable logic!)

Each of the sixteen individual toys is actually four distinct characters. Dominatrices, astronauts, mummies, ninjas, Mr. T: you name it, it's probably here. Even better, the components of each toy can be mixed, matched, shuffled, scrambled, folded, spindled and mutilated to produce hundreds and hundreds of new combinations!

Our favorite things about these super-cool collectibles: a) When you pull their interchangeable tops and bottoms off, a skull and bare legs/underwear are revealed; b) One of the toys features Hitler, Mother Teresa, Jesus and Mao Tse Tung on its four sides, automatically earning our undying devotion to the twisted mind(s) behind these things; c) They're made of super-thick laminated card stock, which means that, unlike those Smorkin' Mongers littering your desk, these might actually bio-degrade sometime in the next 50,000 years.

Now we just have to figure out how to squeeze in some actual work between "Consumating time" and "Super Bastard play time"...

Buy it! Super Bastard Box Art Character (one of 16 — they'll surprise you), $5.95, from superbastard.com.

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Soul Crushed!

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Sunday is our time for heavy drinking and meth-abuse, and we often wake up on Monday with a not-so-fresh feeling. We stumble out of bed, leak bodily fluids on the way out the door, and sit stupified at our desks for the first three hours while we bump our head repeatedly against the screen, moaning balefully all the while.

Days like these, the smiling toys that litter the desk glare up at us with their cheery, but lifeless eyes. "We expect great things from you," they say. "But all you have to give is snot and negativity."

The office already drains our life essence. The flickering of the fluorescent lights is subtly mind-bending, crushing our will to escape. The last thing we need is to be a disappointment to our toys!

Solution: It's time to get some less ambitious playmates.

Buy it! Corporate Zombies, $13.50 from Archie McFee. They glow in the dark!

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It's Your Lucky Day!

photo_060910sunshinebuddy.jpg The Japanese are arguably the World Heavyweight Champions of Kawaii. (That's "Cute" for those of you who aren't don't happen to be Japanese schoolgirls.) From Hello Kitty to Domo-kun to decole, they know just how to make hydrocephaly reach out and squeeze your heart until it melts into marshmallow fluff.

They are also the masters of products that exist for no other reason than to bring a little sunshine into your life, like these Hidamari no Tami Maneki Neko (Lucky Cat Sunshine Buddies). We've all been to our local Chinese takeout or sushi bar and seen the ubiquitous prosperity cat waving from the checkout counter. This Sunshine Buddy is a solar-powered version that, when exposed to light, sways its head back and forth and beckons good luck into your life with its wee paw with a smooth, hypnotic motion that just makes your troubles seem to melt away. (We nearly starved to death caught in the thrall of an entire wall of these things at the Loft store in Tokyo.) Best of all, they're available in a giddy array of colors that will add a punch of color to any desktop. So the next time you feel yourself in danger of karoshi (death from overwork!), take a few minutes to let your Sunshine Buddy nod that stress away.

Buy it! Hidamari no Tami Maneki Neko, $16.50 (various colors), from jbox.com. (Check out the rest of the Sunshine Buddies as you scroll down to the Maneki Neko.)

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Inside, Still A 12-Year Old Boy

mariobank.jpg We went in to Kidrobot the other day to buy a donut keychain and only a donut keychain. We had to be extra diligent, as our mind often wonders when browsing the shelves at this, our favorite toy miniature statue store, causing us to leave significantly less wealthy than before. It was going well until we caught sight of a familiar shape shining curiously from the shelf. What's in that little brick cube? The pixelated question mark block filled us with a deep and unexplainable violent urge, and we were inexorably drawn towards it, fist outstretched, moustache twirling in delight.

As per usual, we had been lured in by the siren song of old-skool Nintendo.

Each one of these little question mark blocks doubles as a coin bank, so that when you bust them open, real live coins come spinning out. Inside, the clever videogame gnomes have hidden a tiny Mario sprite sealed in a zipper-pull bubble - so tiny that you will probably throw it away or lose it before you get any actual enjoyment out of it. Unless that enjoyment comes in one giant, orgasmic burst upon seeing a tiny plastic Koopa trapped in a bubble, as it did for us.

Buy it! Mario Mascot Coin Bank, $4.95 from Kidrobot.

And for those interested in more contemporary Nintendo news, this is purportedly the list of classic NES, Super Nintendo, N64, and Sega Genesis games that you will be able to download to your new WII on the day that you get it.

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The Donuttiest

kiddonut.jpg We've linked to a lot of things that look like food but are actually toys. We're not going to apologize. Food can be beautiful, especially when made of vinyl.

These Yummy Donut keychains are one of the most recent releases from the toy making geniuses at Kidrobot. They were designed by the same person who designed the plush tampon doll, and come in a variety of flavors and styles. Not only will they help you keep track of your keys, but they'll keep you from getting dangerously low blood sugar!

Yummy Donut Keychain, $2.95 from Kidrobot.

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Johnny Tightbeak

photo_060818plucky.jpg It wasn't the first time Plucky had had The Man put the screws to him, and he knew it wouldn't be the last time. The heat had served up a heaping helping of knuckle sandwich, and it was going down hard. He'd just been minding his own business, having a drink down at his favorite watering hole: last he checked, that wasn't a crime. Damn that chick he picked up earlier in the evening! From the moment he'd laid eyes on her, he'd had a feeling that she'd be nothing but trouble; broads with legs like hers -- the ones that start at yesterday morning and go all the way to tomorrow afternoon -- can only lead to heartache. He was staying cool, though; he had plastered a smile on his mug and shut his yap tight. The fuzz wasn't gonna pin this one on him. Not THIS time...

Buy it! Plucky, $26.00, at creatureco-op.com. (While you're there, take a look at the rest of the rogues' gallery. Yeah, they've rounded up all the...um, UNusual suspects>)

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The Devil Made Me Do It!

photo_060809beelzebub.jpgWe've always wished that, when faced with a particularly sticky dilemma, our very own angel-and-devil tag-team would pop into existence on our shoulders to help us puzzle through matters. Maybe the angel and the devil would trade witty barbs before commencing wrestling in a comical manner, perhaps knocking the angel's halo askew in the process! We'd all have a good laugh before they disappeared with a tiny *pop*. Problem solved, crisis averted, we'd be free to continue blithely along the path of righteousness.

If the devil were as cute as our little friend Beelzebub here, though, we're fairly certain that he'd be able to talk us into all manner of shenanigans without even needing to brandish his wee pitchfork. We've always been helpless to resist a demon in black boxers...

Buy it! Beelzebub String Doll, $9.00, from kamibashi.com.

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Do they leave little wool poos?

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Maybe it's because we grew up dirt poor and playing with sticks, or maybe it's the simple fact that we are suckers for the underdogs, the do-it-yourselfers and the anti-corporate pro-organic quasi-environmentalist nutbags, but we love, love, love hand made plush toys. It might also have something to do with the fact that we sleep in a bed piled high with felt-skinned, googly eyed friends. Who knows!

Woollyhoodwinks are "sandwich sized" handmade wool toys that resemble the unholy offspring of a Pokemon and a bushbaby. Their dour little faces imply a lifestyle of nervous shaking and carpet-staining bathroom accidents, but they're so cute that we still want the entire collection. Pick from five different breeds -- each one comes in a tree shaped box packed with "special surprises."

Buy it! Woollyhoodwinks, $29.95 from Elsewares. And while you're at Elsewares, check out the Recycled Socktopus, an octopus made of recycled crazy old socks. So awesome.

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All Quiet On The Western Cubicles

photo_060720rubberbandgun.jpgNormally, we are against office shenanigans; in today's economy, with thousands of American workers losing their livelihoods to overseas labor, the average employee can ill-afford to waste precious office hours running around engaged in wacky hijinx with nerf guns and whiffle bats and whatnot.

However, there are some situations which demand bold action against one's co-workers: Janice in Finance's cloud of Eau de Overpowering Stench, Bob's endless phonecalls to his divorce lawyer, your officemate's incessant sniffing OH GOD THE NEVERENDING SNIFFING.

In these cases, we fully approve of unleashing the mother of all office supply barrages with the Desktop Repeater Rubber Band Gun. This twelve-shot gatling gun features a high-tech sighting hole to ensures ultra-precise targeting when Janice makes the fatal mistake of wandering too close to your cube on her way to the copier and a rotating, pivoting tripod to minimize the recoil from your blitzkrieg of infinite justice!

Buy it! Desktop Repeater Rubber Band Gun, $49.97, from x-tremegeek.com.

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8-bit reality

mario_peg_kits.jpg We've seen these before, but never available outsite Japan! Recreate your favorite 8-bit video game characters by pushing the pixel pins into a grid and viola, one Mario! Since they are an import from Japan, Thinkgeek only has a limited supply and we're guessing that they will run out quickly. In case you were wondering, the original Japanese company has a lot more sets for sale than just the measly two that are offered to us. They always get the coolest stuff over there.

$18.99 at Thinkgeek.com, while supplies last.

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More Fun Than a Barrel of Koopas!

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We have always loved pixel art graphics, and now with pixel art all retro-cool again, photorealism is SO 2004. We want to live in a world of isometric views and crazy-detailed pixel-by-pixel shading and 16-bit sprites like from the games that were the only thing that totally kept us from clawing our skin off when we had to stay home from school with the chicken pox for A WHOLE WEEK that one time.

Now we can move a Goomba-sized step toward our dream by bringing 2D pixelicousness to the 3D world with these PixelBlocks. Like a cross between Legos and LightBrite pegs, this set of 2000 translucent building blocks of various colors lets you recreate the fantastical scenes of your game-console glory days. Maybe some day, these blocks will even inspire a whole new generation of artists to follow Henry David Thoreau's immortal words of advice: Pixelfy, pixelfy. (We're PRETTY sure those were his words. Like we said, we were out with the chicken pox, and we TOTALLY read that chapter on the bus on the way to school the day of the test.)

Buy it! PixelBlocks (2000 pieces), $49.95, from thinkgeek.com.

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Assistant To The Regional Manager

dwightbobble Remember the Valentine's Day episode of The Office, when Dwight was given a bobblehead version of himself by Angela? Remember the little flutter of jealousy and desire you felt when you saw it for the first time, bouncing happily on his desk? Remember how you wished so hard that someone would love you so much in a hot, geeky way that they'd make a bobblehead version of you?

Well, nobody is going to do that for you, so stop hoping. You can, however, get a Dwight Schrute bobblehead, just like the one from The Office. Fans of the show asked enough times, and NBC has just today come through with a real, live, bobbling head version of the most annoying coworker in history. Put Dwight on your desk and let him stare at you, wide-eyed and small-minded, bobbling in disapproval.

NBC has also just released a series of web-only mini-episodes of The Office. The first two are online now!

Buy it! Dwight Schrute Bobblehead, $15 from the NBC store. And once you get one, upload a photo of your adventures with Dwight! We think he'll have a lovely time with us at Burning Man.

BUT WAIT! THERE'S MORE! NBC.com has given us a Dwight bobblehead to give to one lucky Consumater! Check back for more details on how you can win him on Monday!

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Your Robot Pal Who's Fun To Be With

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We have no musical ability whatsoever. We played the baby tuba in the high school marching band, but even then, it was only because we were really into the uniforms. We don't know how to play the guitar or write songs, and we can't even keep a consistent beat while drumming along to the radio in the car. Yet, somewhere deep inside our souls, there is a desire to make music. Or at least a series of repetitive beeps and clicks that we could pretend is music.

Enter the Thingamagoop, a customizable synthesizer that looks like a robot with flip switches for nipples. It has a light-up antenna that blinks along with the beat, and can be used along with the built in light-sensor to create and modify the audio output. Flipping the switches and twirling the dial also change the output, but like all musical instruments, the true art is in finding the right combination of all the variables that creates the sweet oontz oontz we all desire. (Check out the action video for a demo of a Thingamagoop in action.)

Your Thingamagoop's colors can be customized, and you can run the sound output through a guitar amp (and any related guitar accessories that use a standard 1/4-inch jack), which means that you and your robot pal could totally play a giant stadium show when you become the next Kraftwerk.

Buy it! Thingamagoop, $100 from Bleep Labs.

(Found via Uncrate.)

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Feeling a Little Gaussy

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Sometimes, we get confused about what is real and what isn't. We find ourselves walking down the street, wondering in awe at how high res the leaves look. We forget that we can't click and drag things in real life. We dream in SQL, crying out in the middle of the night about corrupt indexes.

We spend so much time attached to the network that we're going to start looking like this DESIGN-oid, a limited edition vinyl toy from Jeremyville. It comes with stickers that you can stick on the laptop's back, and a few options for the face / desktop pattern. And it will remind you of the terrible fate awaiting you if you don't shut off your laptop once in a while.

Buy it! DESIGN-oid, $18 from Jeremyville. There is no direct link to this product, so you'll have to scroll down the page to find it. Bad online store! Bad!

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Monkey Business

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If you like insane apes toting giant swords, this is the toy for you. Based on the ball-and-socket Stikfas line of toys but re-imagineered by the toy making geniuses at Hasbro, Xevoz are super-posable, customizable action figures. They come as a big bag of plastic parts that you assemble, picking which accessories to attach and frequently choosing between a variety of arms, legs, torsos, etc. Unlike the Stikfas, which are pretty basic, the Xevoz have pretty cool weaponry and costume options, which means you can enjoy them without having to break out your modelling clay and collection of tiny little paintbrushes.

Unfortunately, the Xevoz line has been discontinued by Hasbro. There are, however, a few places to get them online at retail price. And because they are compatible with Stikfas, you can always suppliment your collection of tiny plastic hands and feet their wide variety of kits.

Buy it! Xevoz from Hasbro or a wider selection from Entertainment Earth.

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Have You Hugged a Hamburger Today?

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While the cold, hard touch of vinyl is good for collectable toys that are going to sit on your bookshelf or desk, sometimes you want a toy that you can appreciate in a more squishy, tactile way. Sure, you can hug your 8-inch Dunny to your breast, but will it hug you back? No, it will cut you with its pointy vinyl ears.

Friends With You makes weird, handmade plush toys. Their current line includes 3 versions of Malfi, a crossbreed between a bowling pin and a penguin, and three stackable, food-inspired toys (Mr. TTT Burger pictured). They toys have a lot of nice detailing, and for only $22.00, we'd be hard pressed to find handmade, limited edition toys of this quality. And at 8-10 inches tall, they're big enough to withstand a pretty vigorous snuggling.

Buy it! Friends With You plushies, $22-$24. And while you're at it, check out the web site. Pixely fun!

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It's a rag doll!

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We ask you, internet shopper, what could possibly be more awesome than falling asleep all snuggled up next to your giant, googly eyed, smirking tampon? Would it be a he, or a she? What would you name it?

Or perhaps plush discarded tissues? We love to find snot rags all over our house, and if they frowned back at us, our heads would explode with joy.

Seriously, kutest kraft evar. Also, a great way to gently introduce youngsters to the joys of menstruation!

Buy It! Tampon Doll, $10 from MyPaperCrane. Hand made!

(Thanks for the tip, Rethwyll!)

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Lung Cancer Was Never This Much Fun

smorkers.jpg Kidrobot, makers of pretty much all of our favorite vinyl toys, is having a contest where the prize is an entire case of their new Smorkin' Mongers. Sure, you can buy them one at a time, hoping that you don't get a dupe, and then entering into the cocaine and plastic-fueled world of eBay toy speculation when you do, but isn't it easier to just win them all in a contest? For free?

Enter the contest here. If you win, please remember who told you about it. We really want one of the Smorkin' Cigarettes. Nudge nudge, wink wink.

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Cute Explosion

cow_cubee.jpg We like to live our life under the constant watchful eyes of thousands of tiny, Japanese toys. We like to think of them as little forest spirits made of plastic and vinyl who will grow giant fangs and claws if we are ever in danger.

One of our favorite toys is the Cubees. Cubees are little rectangular animals - cats, dogs, cows, pigs, etc - with flaps for heads. When you push a button on their butt, they sing a song in a tiny, squeaky animal voice. Oink oink oink.

But the best thing about Cubees is that they are stackable. Stack the pig on the cow on the duck and hit the button, and they all sing together. Stack the cat on the pig and the duck, and then stack them all on the chicken and the dog and the cow, and you've got something so cute that your head will explode. Witness below.

We purchased our Cubees at Doublepunch in San Francisco. They are also available online at, sigh, Urban Outfitters. We recommend you buy all six for the full effect.

Buy it! Cubee 3 packs, $14.00 at Urban Outfitters

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