As If High School Weren't Bad Enough...
Every once in awhile, we at CONSUME like to recommend a product that consists of the actual written word. We already know you like reading: you kids certainly aren't spending your days WORKING, after all...
But perhaps you'd like something to peruse after you've exhausted the internet? You know, on those cold lonely nights in bed where you curl up in your sleeping chamber in a desperate attempt to stave off those feelings of doom about how pointless it all is...
If so, let me suggest Milrose Munce and the Den of Professional Help, by Douglas Anthony Cooper. Two teenagers of questionable popularity and skin tone, a high school full of ghosts only they can see, and a Professional Helper who wants to cure them of their ability to do so: this book is for the spooky, alienated "I SEE DEAD PEOPLE" kid in all of us. Check it out, and then get one for the young person in your life who also likes to read. Because if you don't infect them early, they won't become one of us... [Ed. -- we apologize for this uncharacteristically dark digression. We're working on getting Runamuck some professional help...]
Buy it! Milrose Munce and the Den of Professional Help, $11.60, from amazon.com.
digg it, del.icio.us it, Google it, StumbleUpon it, Linkroll it.
You MAY want to have a seat before you read this, lest the shock of the revelation buckle your knees and pitch you headfirst into the coffee table: I'm kind of a nerd. I KNOW. Do you need a cold pack for that bruise? Anyway, I've always been interested in a wide range of subjects, one of which happens to be meteorology, ie. the study of atmospheric patterns, weather processes, etc. (More evidence of nerddom? Use of "ie.") 
ZOMG, I'm pretty sure that back in the Garden of Eden, somewhere possibly just to the northeast of the Tree of Knowledge, there was a Tree of Deliciousness, and it was covered in GRILLED CHEESE SANDWICHES. Seriously, how could mere humanity have come up with hot melty cheese mashed between slices of crispity, buttery toastosity? 
Much as I looove scribbling and jotting and doodling on the insides of each of my approximately seventy-three Moleskine notebooks, the outsides leave a little bit to be desired in the personality department. "But rethwyll," you say, "that's the perfect opportunity to demonstrate your mad creativity skillz to the world and make each one a unique snowflake of creative expression!" Frankly, that sounds like a lot of work, disembodied voice. Besides, why would I want to go to all that trouble when there are people out there like Raina producing wildly adorable creations like this Elliot the Pirate notebook? Each limited edition is handprinted with Raina's bold, distinctive character illustrations. Yarrrr -- teh cute off the port bow!
We are like the neighborhood Cat Lady when it comes to our books: we are helpless to resist bringing new books into our home. We have books stacked on every available surface (although, realistically, the dog is only going to stay in that down position for so long.) Our side of the bed has at least 20 books that we are in the process of reading shoved under it. We buy new bookcases as often as some people change socks. We REALLY love books. Fortunately, keeping thousands of books won't make the neighbors call the cops on us. (Well, not for THAT, anyway.)
We have been amazing and astonishing our friends and loved ones for YEARS with the ease with which we can identify this week's perp from CSI:Miami as last season's crazy stalker from Law & Order and Will & Grace's crotchety neighbor from season 3. (They're probably also mad jealous of our ability to cram approximately 230 hours of TV into an average week.) Whatever the reason, when we throw down with these little factoids, those around us pause, mouths agape in stunned silence. (Yep. MAD jealous.)
or, add Consume to your newsreader of choice...
