Consume More art

Rosie the Robot For a More Civilized Time...

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Now that there is a rethwyll 2.0 currently under construction, our household is going through some major upheavals. Namely, "OMFG WHERE ARE WE GOING TO PUT A KID??" As such, we are madly occupied in revamping our stupidest room, ie "That craptacularly stupid 8'x8' room OFF THE LIVING ROOM that no one in their RIGHT MIND would call a 5th bedroom, Mr. Real Estate Person" into the new library and moving our approximately 73,000 books out of what will become the nursery. (I say "we", although my role to this point has been mostly to point out that "that box of books is WAY too heavy for me to lift in my delicate condition" and that I should really "go back to my nap.")

So, we have this deliciously empty room just ready for some finishing touches (and books), and I can't think of anything that goes better with "library" than "elegantly nerdily awesome steampunk", which is why I'm poring over the galleries at keiththompsonart.com, especially this Karakuri print of a robot geisha. With that, I will have achieved the perfect synergy between my Japanese and retro-futurist obsessions...

Buy it! Karakuri Giclée Print (13"x19"), $40.00, from keiththompsonart.com.

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Turning Japanese, I Really Think So

photo_070614_japanese.jpgSometimes I think that I was born in the wrong country; either that, or I was Japanese in a former life, because I canNOT get enough of all things from the Land of the Rising Sun. For example, I am hopelessly addicted to sushi, anime and Iron Chef. (Sakai forever!) And now I'm in love with these wooden Japanese Stylized Leaves Mini Screens from PrairieMod. Granted, they're not actually FROM Japan, but they have enough of the flavor of my second favorite island (what can I say -- Australia will always own my heart) that every time I catch sight of them, they make me just the teeniest bit homesick.

Buy it! Japanese Stylized Leaves Mini Screens, $30.00, from prairiemodstuff.com

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Name That Shiny Object

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I have no idea what this is for but I want one! I would wear it around my neck on a chain, Flavor-Flav-bringin'-the-bling-style.

WAIT. I should get TWO of them, and then I could wear them on either side of my head like Pricess Leia with her hair encased in carbonite.

OMGPONIES!!1! If I bought EIGHT of them, I could play the GREATEST GAME OF SHUFFLEBOARD IN THE HISTORY OF OLD PEOPLE.

I still don't know what it's for, but it's pretty bitchin'. It would probably even look good just sitting there all boring-like on my bookshelf.

Buy it! Medallion (various styles), $35.00, from artifaqt.com.

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Stitch For The Cure!

photo_061126crossstitch.jpgA few weeks ago, we expressed our desire to hang up the mouse and keyboard and get to work producing some old-skool STUFF. Now that the holiday season is upon us, we are longing even more to embrace our inner Amish: how satisfying it would be to whip out scarves, hats and socks for all our friends and relations! (By the way, we have decided that whittling is definitely NOT our calling: there is not enough money in the world to pay for all the Band-aids and tetanus shots we would require.)

These "Fuck Cancer" cross-stitch kits are exactly the kind of project we would love to take on: subversive, angry AND profane, for the win! Our sister-in-law, whose breast cancer is currently in remission, would be the first recipient. Unfortunately, our track record with needles is even more appalling than whittling knives. Perhaps we should focus on creating the first full-body craft armor...

Buy it! "Fuck Cancer" cross-stitch kit, $12.00, from subversivecrossstitch.com. (From June 1 through December 31, 2006, half of all profits from "Fuck Cancer" kits sold will be donated to the Susan G. Komen Breast Cancer Foundation.)

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Four Legs Good, Two Legs Bad!

photo_061029dogpropaganda.jpg"Comrades and friends! A great victory has recently taken place in our neighborhood, one which will be recounted by our children and our children's children! Yesterday, the People's National Liberation Armed Forces of Sparky's House defeated the traitorous Mr. Whiskers, stooge of the human oppressors, thus liberating The Bowl Of Cat Food, which will now be distributed equally for the glory of the movement! It is yet another shameful defeat sustained by the human oppressors and proof of the rightness of our cause!

"The humans continue to suffer repeated setbacks in their war against Dogkind. Their hostile policies towards Drinking Out Of The Toilet and Rolling in Dead Things have failed. Though they resort to feeble promises of Pupperoni and 'games' such as Struggle Nobly To Wrest The Sock From My Iron Fist, their desperate maneuvering cannot stop the victorious advance of Caninism!

"Viva la revolución, comrades, until the day we sniff one another's butts in triumph!"

Buy it! Obey The Pug Dog! socialist-style propaganda poster, $28.00, from obeythepug.com. (Be sure to check out the other breeds available — YOUR dog may be planning his or her own coup d'etat...)

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Whittle Me This, Batman...

photo_061023whittling.gifMore than once, we have longed to lay down our keyboard in surrender, move to an Amish farm and take up whittling or knitting or blacksmithing or SOMETHING wherein, when our job was finished, we would have a bright, shiny OBJECT lying in front of us and not a bunch of 0s and 1s floating somewhere out there on teh interweb. At the very least, we'd like a profession which we could explain to our parents in 50 words or fewer. But, inevitably, we shrug our slumped shoulders and go back to the pixel mine, mostly because a) we enjoy being paid every two weeks and 2) we do not know how to whittle.

But we may have finally found our out, courtesy of the World's Smallest Whittling Kit. Now we, too, can experience the joy and satisfaction of carving a tiny chain, a wee wooden rose or perhaps just a really expensive toothpick. At any rate, it will keep our hands and mind occupied while we plan the post-pixel-pushing phase of our life.

Buy it! World's Smallest Whittling Kit, $10.00, from curiosityshoppeonline.com.

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Sexy Up Your Walls, You Must

photo_060914atat.jpgThe Empire Strikes Back: The cinematic pinnacle of the original Star Wars trilogy. (Or, as we like to refer to them, Those 3 Without Ewan McGregor.) Yoda. Lando. Boba Fett. Han encased in carbonite. The Battle of Hoth's complete and total rout of the Empire's laughable ground force, the AT-AT Imperial Walkers.

One has to wonder what the Emperor was thinking, employing 70-foot-tall transports built on legs so spindly that a Kaminoan would take one look at them and say, "Man, that's weak." Perhaps he delegated the project to middle management. Perhaps the contract bids came in a little TOO low. Whatever the reason for them, their shoddy design led to the Empire ultimately being defeated by a 10-gauge steel cable and a kid with a 30-year-old light saber. Slightly less-than-glorious, but the Rebel Alliance will take any victory it can get!

Now you can relive that momentous scene again and again after plastering every available surface with Walkers of your very own! We think you'll find these black vinyl silhouette wall stickers far sexier than the originals. (AND far more durable: even if you're strong enough to pull the ears off a gundark, you won't be able to tear one of these babies.) With any luck, you'll be so busy re-enacting the Battle of Hoth, you'll forget that there ever WERE prequels. (Come on: even Ewan couldn't save those from stinking like last week's dead tauntaun.)

But it! Walker Vinyl Sticker, $10.00, at digitalgravel.com.

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Astounding Magnetic Photo Rope

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Fresh from the delivery man, we have a new Astounding Magnetic Photo Rope from Photojojo. This thing is pretty neat. A hook at the top, a weight at the bottom, and eight very strong but teeny magnets to hold your favorite photos wherever you want to hang them. Here you can see we decided to show some of our favorite Consumators hanging next to our big party banner! Better than the fridge and cheaper than eight frames, we really like our new toy.

One for $16, two for $25, or three for $33 at the Photojojo store.

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Yes, it is so a pipe!

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We hate linking to Threadless teeshirts because it seems so obvious. Yes, Threadless teeshirts are awesome. Yes, they come out with new ones all the time. Yes, we know that because we get the newsletter just like you!

But come on, a Super Mario Piranha Plant shirt that references Magritte? It's art, it's fashion, it's Nintendo nostalgia! It says, "Look mom, all that time I 'wasted' playing videogames has paid off in a real cultural artifact!' We can't help but link this teeshirt and recommend with no irony that you rush out and buy it immediately.

Buy it! This is not a pipe shirt, $15 boys/$17 girls from Threadless.

And if you are an Animal Crossing: Wild World player, you only have a few more days to visit a Toys R Us to collect limited edition special release Super Mario gifts for your house. What we wouldn't do for a question box for our brand new second floor.

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Meatspace Invaders

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We played as a kid and loved it. We saw Philip J. Fry play it in an episode of Futurama. Now watch Space Invaders played with humans for pixels! (also on YouTube) The site is in French, but they say they used sixty seven humans as pixels, four hours of shooting three hundred ninety images to make this 2'58" video. They beat both levels in the game they played, so at least the French can stop extraterrestrial invasions! Good job guys!

The French aren't the only cool video game players out there. A chimpanzee has learned to play Pacman. At least he hasn't beaten our high score...yet.

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Less frame is .... more frame?

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With the high availability of affordable art prints lately, it's hard not to have a living space that looks like your own wing of the MoMA. But you can't tack your grown-up art prints to the wall like dorm room posters! You've got to hang them with some style, some grace, and some big honkin' magnets.

ReFRAME is a set of stainless steel strips that grab onto your poster with a magnet. They've got a nice face made of natural wood, and all they come in all the useful sizes. We hung some of our posters with ReFRAMEs last night, and it took only a few minutes to take our decor from trash to class.

Buy it! ReFRAME, $27-$37 from 54Dean.

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Well You Know My Name Is Simon...

photo_060708wallpaperborder.jpg When we were but a wee snarkster, we were never personally given to doodling on our parents' walls, mostly because we did not relish the prospect of INSTANT DEATH at such a tender age. Many years' worth of all-purpose cleaner commercials have led us to believe that perhaps we missed out on an essential childhood rite of passage. Now that we are an adult with walls of our own, we would be inclined to give it a whirl... if it wasn't for all of the time we spent painting them, dammit.

That's why our inner Michaelangelo went all The Agony and The Ecstasy when we discovered these color-by-number wallpaper borders by Keyhole Collection. At last: our very own Sistine Chapel! These particular borders are pre-printed with a Kafka-esque scene of ginormous insects and foliage (other patterns are available) and come ready to hang in 6" x 15' rolls. Just add water and your own artistic vision (suggested color palettes included for the aesthetically-challenged) to make them part of your home's permanent collection.

Buy it! Wallborders, Insect Hustle Bustle, Grass Green, $20.00 (one 6" x 15' roll) from 2jane.com.

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Badges? We don't need no stinkin' badges!

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Looking to class up your messenger bag and/or jean jacket with something other than indie rock band logos? How about a skull? Or a nipple? Or a squid? Prickie has a huge catalog of 1-inch badges, ranging from the awesome pixel design stylings of eBoy to quasi-ironic hipster slogans to cute mutant animals. The people at Prickie see the 1-inch badge as a platform for spreading art and design, and they've managed to recruit a huge number of excellent artists to create badges in a wide variety of styles.

The catalog's size is a bit daunting, but Prickie has a pretty nice flash-based interface to browse through the collection. At only $2.99 a badge, we think it's reasonable to just wade into the list and pop all the badges you like into your cart. They'll ship your order for free if you order 6 or more!

Buy it! Prickie 1-inch badges, $2.99 each

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Friday Hyperbole

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Our boss is out today and we just gave blood (for humans and our zombie slave army), so we're a little spacey. More specifically, a little hyperbolicly spacey. You might recoginze hyperbolic shapes from lettuce leafs, godet skirts, and sea slugs.

So, instead of banging away at our keyboards to make new features for you, we broke out our scissors and tape to make hyperbolic soccer balls. Pictured above is the one we made, isn't it purty?

Cornell has a paper with more instructions on how to model hyperbolic space including a specific crochet instructions. It also has lots of numbers and equations for the math geeks among us.

In hindsight, we probably shouldn't have been handling scissors. Or writing blog entries.

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I'm not done hurting you.

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We don't like greeting cards. We understand the sentiment, but the cards themselves? Really? Does a folded piece of cardboard that says "I love you" really convey our real, deep -- well, we don't want to call it love, but we'll call it an intense feeling of lust mixed with confusion and anger? The answer: Only if it is one of of these cards.

Keller's Kards are snarky, clever, and will convey your feelings in a tone more appropriate for our generation. They even make breakup cards: "I want you back," on the front, and "Because I'm not done hurting you," on the inside.

Buy it! Keller Kards, $3.00 each

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And then she said she needed some space, and I was like, you can have as much space as you want without dumping me!

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Oh, mopey emo kids! Your hair, so crunchy. Your soul, so dark. We know how you feel. Nobody at the mall understands you! We know! We were 16 18 23 27 once, too.

You know how when you get angry and it feels like the emotions are just boiling up inside you, the pressure becoming greater and greater until it starts to squirt out of the seams, and people are like, "hey dude, what's wrong?" and you're all like, "NOTHING!", and they're like, "Whoa, if nothing is wrong, why are you repeatedly stabbing your leg with your pencil?" and you realize that you really need to just go home and vent it all out onto paper? We think that Omar Lee's "Goodbye" catches that moment perfectly.

Buy it! Goodbye print, $20 from Omar Lee

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The Day The World Went Isometric

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eBoy makes pixel art for high end, big brand sites like Honda and Adidas. They also make kick ass, giant posters of pixelated cityscapes. They have New York (pictured above), London, Berlin, Venice and Cologne, as well as one called Super Bronco Battle - a scene of awesome destruction and monster mayhem.

We wish we could afford to have them draw a World of Consumating poster featuring Bring on the Science's Super Kung Fu Grip and Chopping action, but for now, we'll have to satisfy ourselves with a pixelated version of the Statue of Liberty instead.

Buy it! $19.95 from kidrobot, or if you want to cut out the middleman and double your cost, $16 Euros from eBoy.

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